Roots & Routines

Before I became a mom, I thought I had it all figured out. I listened to so many podcasts about birth, postpartum and motherhood. I did my research, and asked the questions, and listened to all the “helpful advice” from strangers and well-meaning friends. But as soon as I held my baby for the first time, reality set in: motherhood is nothing like the highlight reel people talk about. And I found so many steer away from the hard topics afraid they will scare expecting mothers.

There are so many myths we buy into before becoming moms. Here are a few I believed, and the truth I discovered once real motherhood began.

Myth #1: “Babies sleep all the time.”

What I believed: I pictured endless naps in cozy bassinets while I caught up on reading or finally started that hobby. I was on maternity leave in the fall (my favorite season), I pictured doing all of my favorite fall activities with my newborn by my side. A clean house and endless time to meal prep.

Reality: Yes, newborns sleep a lot, but not for long stretches, and usually not when you want them to (especially when you want to squeeze in a shower or something to eat). Sleep comes in two-hour shifts, often requiring bouncing, nursing, or pacing the hallway at 3 a.m. with spit-up on your shirt. By the time you feed the baby, burp them, pump breastmilk (if you are pumping), clean bottles and pump parts, and change their diaper it’s time to do it all over again. Coffee becomes less of a treat and more of a survival tool.

Myth #2: “Motherhood comes naturally.”

What I believed: The moment my baby was placed in my arms, I’d just know how to do everything, feeding, soothing, swaddling. I would have an instant strong connection with my baby the moment I held them for the first time.

Reality: Motherhood is a learning curve. It’s trial, error, and sometimes tears (yours and theirs). I remember feeling like a terrible mom because I didn’t feel an instant connection with my daughter. It took time. The second she was handed to me I was overwhelmed, in a lot of pain from being stitched up, and overtired. It doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom if it takes time to feel confident and have that bond with your little one. Skills and bonding take time and practice.

Myth #3: “You’ll bounce back quickly.”

What I believed: Give it a few weeks and I’d be back in my pre-baby jeans, energy restored, life resumed, and back in the gym like my old self.

Reality: Postpartum recovery looks different for everyone, and it’s not just physical. Your body, your emotions, and even your identity need time to heal and adjust. Motherhood changes you, and that’s not a setback, it’s transformation. I remember thinking postpartum would be a breeze. I have no idea where I got that idea from. It was really challenging. I had full body itching that kept me awake even when the baby was asleep. I had postpartum thyroiditis which caused me to loose 30 pounds in 3 months. I had zero energy, just getting out of bed and making it to the couch was a challenge. I was having insane heart palpitations where I had to be put on beta blockers to regulate my heart rate. And I had a pretty scary blood cut. Postpartum is not glamorous, and it is so vastly different for everyone. Give yourself grace your body is going through a lot.

Myth #4: “You’ll lose yourself.”

What I believed: I’d have to give up everything that made me, me in order to be a good mom.

Reality: Yes, your priorities shift, but motherhood also helps you discover new strengths and passions. You don’t lose yourself, you evolve. Sometimes in the most beautiful and surprising ways. You make new friends that are moms too. You find new things you like to do and that you are passionate about, and you slowly create a new routine with your new little family. It’s exciting, challenging and different but you learn to love yourself in new ways and your family more than you ever thought you could.

Myth #5: “You’ll cherish every moment.”

What I believed: I thought I’d love every single part of motherhood, from diaper changes to grocery store tantrums.

Reality: Some moments are exhausting, frustrating, or just plain messy. And that’s okay. You don’t have to love every second of motherhood. And if you don’t love every second it does not mean you are a bad mom. The magic is in the little things, the tiny hands reaching for you, belly laughs, bedtime snuggles, the way their baby shampoo makes their hair smell. Motherhood is magical but it’s ok to not love every single moment. Some parts are just plain hard.

Myth #6: “Breastfeeding, and pumping would come easy.”

What I believed: I truly thought breastfeeding would come naturally. I would pop my baby on in the delivery room and she would camp out there for the next year.

Reality: Breastfeeding and pumping is a lot of hard work. You are learning for the first time and so is your little one. For me and my husband breastfeeding was a two person job at the beginning. It included nipple Shields, syringes, and a lot of positioning. Even once my baby was sleeping through the night I was still getting up in the middle of the night to pump. I didn’t sleep through the night myself until she was almost 8 months old. It’s challenging, and a full time job.

Final Thoughts

Motherhood is full of myths, but the truth is this: it’s harder and more beautiful than anyone can prepare you for. The real magic comes when we stop chasing the picture-perfect version of motherhood and embrace the messy, honest, real one.

So, to all the moms out there: you’re not doing it wrong. You’re just living the real story, not the myth