Roots & Routines

Motherhood is one of the most rewarding and beautiful experiences – but it is also really hard. Some days the happiness and love are overwhelming and other days it’s purely about survival. If you have ever felt unsure, overwhelmed and absolutely exhausted – you’re not alone.

Loss of Identity

I remember being newly postpartum and struggling with the weight of motherhood. Who am I now? Where do I fit in to this new life? No longer was I able to decompress on my own, focus on my own healing journey, and really be present for myself. I had this beautiful little girl that now required every ounce of me. Everyone wants to see the baby, ask how the baby is doing, and ask what they can do for the baby. Overnight your own needs and wants seem to be thrown to the side and top that with raging hormones, it can be a dark and lonely place.

Things to Remember

• You Aren’t Alone – Every new mom experiences this.
• Everything is Temporary – You will find your new “normal”. The storm will pass and motherhood truly is a beautiful journey.
• Set Boundaries – It’s ok to say no.
• Date Yourself – Make time for you even if it is only a few minutes each day.
• Bond with Baby – Take time for just you and your little one. Skin to skin is a great way to bond. Take the time to snuggle with them while you heal.

Mom Guilt

I remember calling my mother just a few days after my daughter was born, sobbing and unsure. “Maybe I wasn’t ready for this, maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a mom after all”. It was terrifying to say those words out loud. I had always wanted to be a mother. I dreamed about having this experience and yet I was truly struggling with it all. I wasn’t sleeping. I was in pain. I had extreme whole body itching after labor. I no longer knew who I was or how to heal myself. I had this new little baby that came without instructions and I was terrified. I will never forget my mother sitting me down, hugging me and telling me that every mom has this moment. It’s normal, and it will pass. I felt so guilty for having those thoughts at the beginning. I love my daughter. I loved her the first moment I felt her little kicks inside of me, but motherhood is hard, and it is ok to not feel ok 100% of the time. I now could not imagine not having this little girl in my life. She brings us more love and joy than we could have ever imagined. Give yourself grace in those first few weeks, they are challenging.

Relationship Shifts

Until you have a child, you cannot fully understand. This is very true – but there are some exceptions.

Your Partner – Navigating Your New Normal

It is so important to have a partner you can rely on and trust throughout this process. Having a strong foundation and communication skills before children can make all the difference.

When my husband and I found out about my daughter, we were a little surprised to say the least. We had been back from our honeymoon for a month when we discovered we were pregnant. She was a very happy surprise that we will always be grateful for.

My husband immediately stepped into action – reading all of the pregnancy books and preparing. He wanted to change the stigma he wanted to be an extremely involved father and partner – and he has been. In the hospital he helped me with my postpartum care. Those who have been through this process know it’s humbling, but he was by my side every step of the way. He changed diapers. Helped with late night feedings and when I had an extremely scary blood clot postpartum, he kept me calm and was a saint through the whole process.

Have a partner you can rely on – it makes all the difference. Strong communication skills are essential to navigating your new relationship and making time for each other.

Navigating Friendships

Most of your friends will show up throughout your pregnancy, excited to meet your new little bundle that’s on the way. I would also argue, most of your friends will show up right after the baby is born as well – excited to meet your newest member, but it’s the ones that stick around past that point that are the ones worth fighting for.

Something I really struggled with after having a baby was feeling isolated. Feeling like I had lost my friends and sense of self. Most friends stopped inviting us places. Stopped reaching out past the cute newborn phase. However, I had one amazing friend that made all the difference. When I told my best friend I was pregnant I was nervous. She’s not someone that wants a family herself, and I wasn’t sure how my new life would fit into hers, but boy was I wrong. She really stepped up to the plate researching everything baby related. She would come over while I was postpartum with a notebook so she could write down how to best care for my baby. She researched my needs showing up for me postpartum with gifts to help me feel like a person again. The first thing she would ask me when she came over was “How are you doing? What can I help you with?” It was so refreshing and exactly what I needed. She continues to love my baby like she is her own and I am so grateful for her.

Friendships such as this are so important. Time is so much more valuable once you have a family. These are the friends that I do everything I can to fit into my schedule. Make time for those that have evolved to be a part of your new life. Remind them how much you appreciate everything they are doing.

Why It’s OK to Struggle

Feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. Motherhood is hard work. Sleepless nights, never ending to-do lists, decision fatigue, it can be a lot to navigate. Remember you are doing great. Each phase of motherhood is temporary, and comes with the good and the challenging. Appreciate the little moments and give yourself grace as you work through life’s challenges. You got this mama.

Things To Remember

• For The New Mama – The newborn trenches are only for a few short weeks. Although they can be challenging bask in this short time with your new baby. Soak up all of the snuggles, little noises, and scrunches. Take time to rest. If your house is messy, let it be messy. Focus on healing yourself and enjoying your new baby.
• Motherhood Changes Quickly – Remember what is challenging right now will be over soon. Children change and grow so quickly. Breathe through the tough times and remember each phase of motherhood comes with new ways to love your little one and new obstacles.
• It is OK to Struggle – Find a great support system if you have one, make time for yourself and lean on others when you feel overwhelmed. Raising children takes a village. Find your village and let them in.

Practical Tips to Cope

• Children thrive off of routine – Create a routine throughout the day and at bedtime. This helps with efficiency and allows for easier transitions throughout the day.
• Take Time for YOU – Even if you only have 15 to 20 minutes make sure you give yourself a break. Take a walk, go to the gym, take a bubble bath, whatever you need to do to unwind and feel like a person again.
• Ask for Help – And do not feel guilty about accepting it. This can be a hard one, but remember everyone needs support and help. It’s ok.
• Find Mom Friends – Friendships can be easier when they understand what you are going through. Find a community of moms. The Peanut App is a great resource.
• Perfection Isn’t Necessary – Let go of the need for perfection. This can be a hard one. Before kids I liked my house a certain way. Now, some days we are cleaning up from breakfast at the end of the day when we get home from work. That is OK. Being present is more important than perfection.

Motherhood is hard, but I promise you’re doing better than you think. Which of these challenges do you relate to most? Share in the comments — let’s remind each other we’re not alone.